prelude
an epitext on loyalty & gossip
in november, i had a frightening eye injury that brought me close to losing my eyesight. i ended up documenting the experience for friends and family — and was met with more love and compassion than i had expected.
often, we don’t know what’s going on under the surface. i wanted to break that pattern for the first time in my life by sharing it.
i don’t normally share my life. i’ve never believed people are entitled to access one another’s inner worlds — and i extend myself the same restraint. i care deeply about those i love but i have never felt compelled to track other lives without invitation.
this instinct developed years ago, when i moved abruptly as a teenager, meeting with precarity along the way and surviving by learning to focus on one pressing reality at a time.
i imagine that at some point, this became unnecessary. although by then, it had already grown into a habit.
now, i’m trying to change it. at least a dash. i have friends all over the world, and reconnecting with many of them during my injury reminded me how beautifully people evolve. i also found myself more open to sharing. i can lift the lid, i learned — even if a little.
some things, however, will not change. for example, gossip culture leaves me feeling out of place. the casual way people dissect others’ inner lives makes me feel like an anomaly. it’s never quite felt relevant to me.
that is how i love people — through neutral regard. prying in the name of care doesn’t feel like love to me.
i relearned recently from my little sister, that there is nothing more tasteless than gossiping, something she abstains from like a religion. if you ever want to get something sensitive off your chest, you can say it to her. that lady will take your words to grave and one can’t pay her a million dollars to break.
as her older sister, i swell with pride as, much like me, she sticks to self-directed principles and isn’t in the least bit unmoored by what anyone thinks about it.
the principle i’ve most closely stuck to is that everyone in my life has a right to live on their own terms, without societal scrutiny. if i hear otherwise, i shut it down.
loyalty is not supposed to be a performative thing. it’s totally crude to tell someone “oh hey, so and so said shit about you.” that’s dumb. why did you let them?
friends (or family) should be able to trust friends to have their backs on principle, to know that their names are safe with each other.
my sister does this through trust. i do it through deferential inattention. those who understand this principle, especially those that abide by it, have remained my friends for almost three decades.
read last month’s postcard:
intertext
these reflections weren’t all that defined november. some wonderful reading, journaling, watching, discussing, purveying, and listening was part of it as well — i share it all below. thank you for staying with me.
“my november archives”
themes
the intertext includes selected poetry, books, films, and essays. november’s books were a study of the inseparability of politics and mythology — how power earns its loyalty and how societies organize themselves around shared narratives. before laws, institutions, and modern governance, there were gods, heroes, fairy tales, and moral archetypes that taught us what a good leader, a good hero looked like. i found this to be a very interesting mishmash — reading the old and the new together to see evolving political thoughts. november’s films explored the same questions through a focus on individual civic duty. i called them “my first amendment movies” — but it goes beyond freedom of speech, religion, assembly, press, and petitioning the government. i also look at individual abuse within a society. democracy is protected by people and this is a reminder that leaders and citizens are both individuals, bound by the same rights and accountable to the same civic standards. we have to do our part, too.
poetry
sunrise - louise glück
riddle - alice oswald
letter in april - marie t. martin
the poets awoke - m. nourbese philip
note blue - kyle dargan
homework - allen ginsberg
on the pulse of the morning - maya angelou
of history and hope - miller williams
books
the republic - plato
as a government & political science major, this book about the domain of culture, moral psychology, and power that shape souls and societies — was my gravy train. a yale professor once said that every term, at least one of his students’ life changes after reading this book. rings true because it’s rereading has reaffected the way i think, talk, write, and live. may all great philosophers have a student like plato to immortalize their words.
lincoln: speeches and writings: 1859–1865
finding this book was a joy. it includes presidential messages, proclamations from his rise to the presidency to the end of the war, the gettysburg address, the emancipation proclamation, and the first inaugural address. but i most love the hundreds of personal and political correspondences he wrote in his lifetime.
a promised land - president barack obama
dive in to his early days. what educated his mind, what titillated his spirits, what molded his heart — his time at occidental, columbia, being a professor of law at chicago whilst being a civil attorney, state senator, and a family man. you’ll also hear the story about how he came to give his famous speech at the 2004 democratic national convention for john kerry’s run. also, has glimpses of his hilarious romance with michelle obama.
the prince - machiavelli
this political treatise from the 16th century was the next book in my college gravy train — a foundational text in political philosophy, known for its ruthless, realist approach to statecraft that separated politics from ethics. his “ends justify the means” aka realpolitik advice that rulers be both strong and cunning, appear virtuous but be prepared to act contrarily when needed — may not be what i want my children to learn, but i’d want my children to read to better understand how the political systems of the present world came to be.
a history of god - karen armstrong
this is a brilliant book that misses nothing in surveying the history of religions. tremendously educated and well-read, she also talks about literary figures, philosophers, and reformers that drove the religion movement. ‘yearning,’ said augustine, ‘makes the heart deep’ — this book explains the historical implication of this emotion.
the uses of enchantment: the meaning & importance of fairy tales - bettelheim
our lives are shaped by fairy tales whether we’re aware of it. the author writes charmingly about its effects on the psychological development of children, and how its used to help them understand and cope with complex emotions and inner conflicts like sibling rivalry, separation anxiety, good vs. evil, etc. she analyzes classics like cinderella and arabian nights to show how they provided a symbolic way for children to work through their anxieties to find meaning in life.
mythology – edith hamilton
this 1942 perennial bestselling-book retells timeless stories of greek, roman, and norse myths for a modern audience. not an academic analysis but more a focus on the myths, it covers creation myths, stories of the trojan war, hercules, odysseus, and more. a foundational text for most college & high school mythology classes.
the odyssey – homer
the cornerstone of western literature, and the original hero’s journey. a racket of themes of loyalty, cunning, war, family, home — that’s lasted nearly 3000 years. a beautiful, mesmerizing slow read.
films
first amendment movies
shattered glass (2003)
this was a silently shocking movie to watch. true story about former new republic reporter, stephen glass, who faked almost all his stories.
erin brockovich (2000)
one of my favorite julia roberts films and a true story about a tenacious paralegal with no law degree instrumental in building a landmark case against pg&e for groundwater contamination. she will dress the way she wants and speak profanity with pride, and proves that you don’t need a stamp to make a difference in the world. honestly my hero and writes about environmental concerns on substack.
spotlight (2015)
one of my all-time favorites. true story of boston globe’s investigative journalism team uncovering the catholic church’s widespread child sex abuse and subsequent cover-up. brutal but beautiful performances from mark ruffalo, rachel mcadams, john slattery, micheal keaton, stanley tucci, and liev shreiber.
the post (2017)
speilberg’s take on the washington post publishing the pentagon papers, exposing the the government cover-up of the vietnam war spanning four presidencies who sent young american boys to a war that knew they’d lose — all to protect image. excellent ensemble cast of meryl streep, tom hanks, matthew rhys, bob odenkirk, bradley whitford who’s hilarious as a mini-villain & jesse plemons.
all the president’s men (1976)
great segue. washington post reporters uncovering watergate, leading to nixon’s resignation.
frost/nixon (2008)
a natural follow-up. the historic post-watergate interviews between british journalist david frost and nixon.
dark waters (2019)
this haunted me for a month. inspired by an nyt magazine article about robert billet, who is fighting, to this day, a decades-long battle against dupont chemicals over pfas contamination. pfoas (8 carbon atoms linked to a chain, used to make teflon) are forever chemicals that are indestructible and cancer-causing, and now found in 99% of all humans. so please do everything you can to prevent its contamination in your life — it’s mostly water but also plenty of other things.
september 5 (2024)
beautifully shot and extremely hard to watch. the 1972 munich olympics hostage crisis, told from the perspective of the abc news team covering it live.
good night and good luck (2005)
i’ve always loved this smoky black-and-white movie telling the true story of cbs news journalist edward r. murrow publicly challenge mccarthyism. journalists risking their careers to defend democratic values. amazing ensemble cast of clooney, rdj, and more. one of the executive producers is also my wonderful mentor of many years — one of the rarest execs in hollywood.
the insider (1999)
a deeply unsettling true story about a tobacco industry whistleblower (crowe) and the cbs producer who risks his career to protect him (pacino).
fictional but socially relevant:
network (1976)
an absurd classic about ratings, spectacle, and corporate control of the news.
broadcast news (1987)
a romcom to lighten the mood.
wag the dog (1997)
a satire about spin doctors manufacturing a fake war to distract the public from a presidential scandal (hoffman, de niro).
in the name of the father (1993)
the wrongful conviction of the guildford four (day-lewis). devastating.
the pelican brief (1993)
grisham thriller. julia roberts uncovers a conspiracy tied to murdered supreme court justices, with denzel washington’s help.
a few good men (1992)
my favorite movie of all time. inspired by real military hazing incidents. a must-watch. rest in peace, rob reiner <3
essays
the book’s the thing (the hedgehog review)
how should one read a book? (the yale review)
what’s happening to reading? (the new yorker)
the dawn of the post-literate society (james marriot)
the curious notoriety of “performative reading” (the new yorker)
postscript
the postscript includes annotations from my journal, a playlist, some ordinaries, and some comforts.
annotations & marginalia
after years away from keeping a diary, i’ve returned to it. last month’s entries circled around these scribbles and questions:
what is the purpose of a writer? i don’t think it’s to evoke emotions but rather, to inspire clarity. through that, if one has emotions evoked, that’s fine. if a writer aims to make someone cry or laugh or itch — the writing becomes expositional.
we are so hungry for knowledge yet never satisfied with it. i think true satisfaction comes from acquiring the right knowledge — following a syllabus.
we need to stop romanticizing one-sided love. people have misunderstood dostoevsky’s white nights. the point wasn’t the beauty of longing for what you can’t have but how quickly he got over it — because it was never mutual or real. letting narcissism masquerade as romance is a cultural failure.
peace is fragile. it can come and go shockingly fast. and it always arrives with the promise of permanence but that’s such a slight of hand. there’s no such thing. all of life is a perpetual wave of good and bad days. but it does that because it wants to be with us at all times. the difference is whether we are ready to reach for it at all times.
tapes
ordinaries
ritual of note: eating the same thing every day
i had the same breakfast every all of november. two semi-boiled eggs, avocado with olive oil and a squeeze of lemon, turkey bacon, and a naval orange.
the same lunch: hearts of palm, avocado, and chickpeas with lemon squeeze and olive oil.
the same three dinners: baked fish with olives, tomatoes, lemon, and potatoes; baked chicken with mustard, potatoes, and parsley; and flank steak with grilled squash, roasted rosemary potatoes, and asparagus.
i still crave the same although i’m trying to switch it up for fun.
comforts
congee
my friend made this for me with century eggs, baked fish, carrots, and acorn squash (good for the eyes). years ago, when i was going through something painful, he made me a congee platter for breakfast every day. “it’s sick food,” he said. “and you’re not feeling well.” it’s now my favorite comfort food.
chrysanthemums
easy-to-care flowers.
manuka honey
it’s the best everyday honey.
letters to milena by kafka
my favorite new form of reads. his emotions are palpable.
vinegar solution
great for stain removal when mixed in with baking soda.
dandelion tea
i love this tea — it’s dark red, and great for your liver.
the paris review interview archives
a new pastime.
beige
i don’t care about trends but this color calms me down.
wall calendar
first rule of analog living.
this dutch painting from of a slightly ajar door (artist: de vries):
i’d love to hear from you.
did you watch the films i listed? read any of the books, poems, or essays?did any of my annotations or comforts stay with you?
did you like the artwork?
that’s all for now. see you next time.
best,
tulipe
on the shelf
dear jane books is my official bookshop. all books linked are directed through it. proceeds support independent bookstores.
Excellent work
ohmigosh I loved this!!! "we are so hungry for knowledge yet never satisfied with it. i think true satisfaction comes from acquiring the right knowledge — following a syllabus" I think I really need to follow this advice bc I am constantly OVERWHELMED with the amount of things I want to learn and read and do!